Thursday 31 December 2009

The best year ever?

The weather was a bit cold, a bit damp, and a bit drizzly, so I decided to go for one last ride of the year and think about all that has passed since 1st January. I bet we have as many words for rain as the Inuit have for snow.

The year has been dominated for me by my Land's End to John o' Groats trip, its preparations and repercussions. I was hideously under-prepared and suffered for it, but considering I had only ridden over 100 miles twice before, I was amazed that I did it. But pleased, and moved and touched. Some numpty once told me (in the context of feedback from an unsuccessful job interview) that bike rides don't tell you anything about the capability of a person. Well this one did. I'm not going to do the full horns of Jericho on this one, but I learned more about myself, the people in this world, and the spirit that imbues us all, form a single trip than from all the courses I have been on or delivered. So yah-boo sucks mate you are wrong-find your character at the office if you like, I found mine at Fort Augustus.

I have also done six sportives, and of those the one I really enjoyed the most is the Tour of Britain ride at the beginning of September. Two superficial reasons-the medal (of course) and the realistic feel to the event, including a proper arch at the finish-all fed my vanity. But it was that point on one of the climbs, where I (a forty-something trundler-actually dropped people, that I realised I had trained and prepped well enough to put in a half-decent performance, that's what I enjoyed the most.

Other things on the cycling front. I have developed a better technique, better on-board posture, learned how to recover properly to prevent injury and how to track stand without falling over (learnt the hard and embarrassing way). Oodles of kit and gadgets, but Charlie has to be the winner in "best stuff acquired" category. Where would I be without him? (About 350 smackers better off, but you can't take it with you).

Then there is the job situation. A new one, tougher, more demanding but actually more enjoyable too, a real test of my skills, and a chance to do the L & D stuff I really want to do. We will have to see about the values bit though, be the change you want to see, and all that.

I don't tend to talk about the family on here, don't think it's right somehow. But if they should stumble on to this post by accident, I want them to know they are the two most important people in the world to me, whatever they may think about the cycling and other stuff.

So today's ride-all about hills. Over to Wrington, up over the hill, down to Cleeve, up Brockley again, then back though Churchill, Shipham and down to Cheddar, Axbridge and up here to home. 2000 or so feet in a little over 31 miles. If you look at the profile you will see there were not many flat bits. Somehow I think that is more the shape of things to come than things past, what with the Tourmalet, Aubisque, Aspin etc. all looming in September.

That is where this blog is heading, the Raid Pyrenean next year. So the weight needs to come off, the power on, and the motivation remain. I think it will be as hard if not harder to squeeze the rides and the training in around the rest of a hectic life. But I am fortunate to have these opportunities. Fortunate to have a great life, health and family, where I need not worry about food and shelter, but can focus on heart rate and cadence. So I am thankful for that, and hope that if anyone else is reading this, on New Year's Eve 2009, you too can count your blessings and have your best year ever.

http://connect.garmin.com/player/21349021

Monday 28 December 2009

Now with added cadence.....

http://connect.garmin.com/player/21165916

Today may, or not, be the last ride of the year, it depends on the weather for the rest of this week. Being the anal type that I am, I record all my rides in far too much detail-it's not healthy.

But for the record, today I passed a quarter of a million calories expended on exercise for the year. So, what if I have eaten more than that to compensate, or slumbered away many a Sunday afternoon, today's 1200-odd calories tipped me over that goal.

It was cold again, a bit icey, worse than boxing day, but not as bad as last week. So I stuck to south-facing back roads and main roads for eat-west bits, as far as I could, and went gingerly down any slopes of any kind. Went north for a change too, out as far as Nailsea, then back via Brockley Coombe and the airport. Down the A38 on Redhill I nearly hit 40 mph, which would have been good considering the weather.

I now have the GSC10 cadence sensor on the Kona working again-it's amazing what reading the instructions can do-so Charlie stats above show how fast my little legs went round all the way. Someone told me that Brockley Coombe has the same profile as the Tourmalet-which I'll be riding up in September-only it's 2 miles instead of 15 miles long. Oh well, I enjoyed the sunshine anyway, it's nice to be able to get outside and roll those wheels!

Sunday 27 December 2009

Sharp dressed man

Boxing day dawned, a little warmer than the preceding week, so I headed out on the Kona to join JT, her Dad and 4 others (including some real cyclists who effortlessly glided along beside me while I'm busting a gut trying to look nonchalant) for a ride over to Glastonbury.

Because I'm having such a great Christmas, this has to be a short post, suffice to say:

1. It was better than going all the way up congested roads to see West Ham beat Portsmouth, and I got half a day back to watch Back to the Future 2 and 3 (the latter of which has a great appearance from ZZ Top.
2. We got to see KG's new luminous jacket which also has flashing red lights on the back, in fact you can see him in Outer Mongolia
3. There was still ice about, lurking in shady corners waiting to trap the unwary, we nearly had a pretty bad pile up, fortunately no-one hurt
4. 100 Monkeys cafe in Glasto is very nice, but a tad expensive. Still, good of them to open on Boxing Day
5. S (one of said real cyclists) had lovely tinsel on his cycling helmet. He said it was very uncomfortable, but it was very festive
6. The race down the Clewer road was a bit silly Guy, given a. the ice and b. you know both S and GW were being like friendly parents and letting us go on in front.

So a great day, best Christmas ride ever and in fact lifted my mood all through Michael J Fox's meanderings through time. Much of which I slept through, but at least I was there.

Charlie below:
http://connect.garmin.com/player/21072651

Tuesday 22 December 2009

These cleats are made for walking......

I bet Mr Shimano never realised that his SPD SL cleats (with 3 degrees of float) make excellent crampons for 2 inch-thick ice on 12% gradients in England in sub-zero temperatures. But they do.

It was a work run today. I wimped yesterday, and really want to make the most of the school holidays to get some miles in. Never mind the 5 degrees below temperature. Never mind that my road looks more like the venue for the Toronto Maple leafs. Never mind that there was a five car pile up in slightly comical (no-one hurt) fashion outside the house. Never mind the dark, the salt, the traffic on the main roads.

I had to ride today!

Except I couldn't. At least for the first mile, because of said road. So I had to walk, all Geri Halliwell-like (think about it) all the way to the main road at the bottom of the hill. And actually, despite, or maybe because of the cleats, it was OK. I then rode all the way up the A38, past the airport, with my various lights, reflectors and high-visibility clothing doing their jobs very well. And of course all the various layers of clothing, if anything I was slightly on the hot side.

Except for when I had to go down the other side. I think the airport is about 600 feet above Bristol, and it is one long, cold, 8% descent, at least the first mile is. This was the scarey bit, what happens if you hit a patch of black ice at 35 mph on 25mm tyres? I tried really hard not to brake, and even harder not to think about it. But of course I did both, and crawled down the hill, almost as slowly as I had crawled up it.

Coming home I went via Long Ashton, fewer hills, but alas more ice. So back to the A370, which was its usual grind, until the moment came. I thought the Exmoor Beast was scarey. This was different league. The hill from Cleeve into Congresbury on the A370 isn't even graded. If I could have seen Charlie I think he would have said about 7%, if that. But there were huge patches of black ice all over the slope, how I didn't fall off I will never know. I couldn't stop because I would have needed to brake too hard, which would have sent me into a skid and a definite tumble.

If only my lights weren't so good, I could have gone faster because i would have been blissfully unaware!

At least coming home through Churchill, Sandford and Winscombe I had the sense to get to the end of my road closest to my house. So the day ended as it had begun, with a walk, but this time only half a mile. The police have actually closed the road, but idiots are still driving down it. And they aren't gritting lorries either.

Charlie stats below:

http://connect.garmin.com/activity/20870370

Painfully slow because of all that walking, being scared and the urban nightmare that is Bristol traffic. Still it was 38 miles I wouldn't have done otherwise.....

Saturday 19 December 2009

Ice and skinny tyres don't mix

This is a patently true statement, but fortunately one that I did not get to put to the test today.

Let's go back to my well-intentioned desire to cycle to work this week, thwarted by a mixture of business requirements, a pesky bacterial infection in the waterworks region (that's my bladder not the Bristol Water reservoir up the road), and a lack of willpower in the face of rain, freezing fog or an early start.

So I resolved to make sure I got out for a ride today, even going so far as to enlist JT to come along so that I couldn't wimp out at the last minute. Faced with forecasts of sub zero temperatures and the memory of her history of recent crashes, broken collarbone and a concerned spouse, JT did the sensible thing and bailed out the night before, despite my attempts to persuade her this morning. I didn't try that hard I'll grant you.

So with increasing pressure on my trouser belt, Christmas looming and a need for exercise pressing, I just had to go it alone. A quick temperature check outside showed it was -4 degreesC at 9AM, but given that it was considerably frostier indoors, I welcomed the opportunity to get out into the frost. Of course the bike, the old bike was bit on the frozen side too, but a quick stop off at Cheddar cycle store, where Paul adjusted my cable for me, eased me out onto the flat moors.

I resolved, like a bird in winter, to go south, since that's where the sun is right? Well it was just about OK as long as I was in the sunshine, and actually since it was pretty dangerous to drive too, most folk had decided to stay indoors so there were fewer cars about, which made for a nice ride. I headed out across to Wedmore, then cut across the levels, skirted Glastonbury before turning back towards Westhay and the lure of cake and coffee at Sweets cafe.

Unfortunately they were only doing Christmas lunches today, so I had to rely on my rapidly freezing water and cereal bar for energy, as I started to pick up speed along the moors towards Mark. There were frozen puddles at the side of the road, but because we have had some windy dry days, the backroads were safer to cycle on than the main roads, where the odd spot of black ice, or ungritted patch, lurked menacingly to catch the unwary. Because it's nearly four years since my last serious crash (on the ice at Burrington Coombe, dislocated shoulder in case I haven't bored you with it) I powered on with a carefree attitude, even managing to pretend I was Cav sprinting for a stage win a couple of times. (I usually have an imaginary Thor on the Axbridge bypass to make it interesting, but you can't have everything).

In nearly three hours outside I only saw 7 cyclists, and only one of those was a lycra clad roadie like me. Two of them were teenagers on MTBs and the rest were either on tourers or hybrids. I say lycra-clad, well I actually had two base layers (including a thermal one, a fleece and a coat, pair of 3/4 tights and longs on top, thermal gloves, socks, cycling boots, buff and hat, and I never really got warm. Every time I put a lot of effort in, I'd perspire and then that would go all clammy and cold. Not nice.

I arrived home just as a few flakes of snow floated down, with a respectable speed given my caution on anything resembling a corner or downslope. Charlie performed admirably in the cold, although my regular Polar computer has definitely had it.

http://connect.garmin.com/player/20716879

The above Charlie stats include the player function, you can watch the speed and elevation change as it goes round the route. Pretty pointless but I love it.

It was 0 degrees C when I got home, so I suspect it's not going to be much warmer tomorrow, so may have to content myself with just the one ride this weekend. Well, I'll test my resolve with the commuting again. Today wasn't the coldest I have ever been on a bike, but it's pretty close, although just like the Exmoor Beast, I'm glad I did it. It was sunny, sparkly and perhaps almost fun.

Saturday 5 December 2009

Freeloading on sick people

That got your attention didn't it?



Today was an Axbridge cycling group day. I wasn't going to go, I had other plans involving the claret and blue, but a combination of a late night, a party, almost certain defeat(subsequently proved heavily right) and huge dollops of apathy gave me an offer I couldn't refuse.



So feeling distinctly rough, I got the Kona out the shed for the second time in two days-he's not used to all this favouritism, but if truth be told, I didn't want to wash two bikes, and of course Kona was still grimy from commuter duty-and rolled down to the square.



A huge throng of people being all Christmassy was joined by a veritable peleton of cyclists-nine of us-the biggest I have experienced from the ACG. Into the two groups we set off towards Rich's Cider cafe, press, factory, "W" as the teenagers say. Up the way I had just come in fact, led by KG in road camouflage Grey and black, past my house and down to Banwell. From there we headed past Banwell, Loxton and Rooksbridge out across the flat, and by now wet and windy levels to our pit stop.



Any end to ender will tell you that chips are the food of champion cyclists, as this one from Golspie on our final day clearly shows:



So today, in need of carbs and cafeine, and paracetamol actually, I consumed a bowl of "energy food" and a hot and late cup of coffee.

From there we headed back, my own peculiar obsession not to double back on ourselves having prevailed as we swung across the moors to Blackford, down into Clewer and thence to the race for the finish.

Which is where the headline comes in. You see JT has been sick, very sick. So much so, that she was still coughing and spluttering her way around today, almost a month since she last rode. And putting us all to shame in fact by cruising along quickly. In particular, me. Ashamed as I am to admit it, I drafted behind her as she sped homewards, and though she lost me by getting across the main road first, I just had to do my sad competitive thing and get back first.

Never mind, at least I feel rougher than sandpaper that's been beaten up now. A good ride, and all my gadgets worked! Charlie stats below:

http://connect.garmin.com/activity/20104671

Friday 4 December 2009

Go to work on a bike

This morning I got the chance to cycle to work, and because that meant I had no car to fall back on, I also got the chance to ride back again this evening.

I'd been planning it for a few days, and come the appointed hour there was a sharp frost, so I slipped an extra base layer on, as well as my new winter cycling boots (with the third best ever invention-Goretex) loaded up the rucksack and headed out into the cold. I quickly wished I'd practiced on my old bike as the handling is very different to the new one. I also realised that my old lights were not going to cut it, as one of them instantly died as soon as rubber hit tarmac, leaving only one rechargeable light to get me all 20 miles to Bristol.

Fingers crossed I headed for the A38 and on up to Churchill. The gritters had not dumped too much salt down which was good in one sense, but poor for traction purposes as I slithered down the hill at Rowberrow. I opted for a route via Congrebury, up the A370, then down through Long Ashton and into Bristol proper. Where there was a huge traffic jam caused by a serious smash on Coronation road.

Oh, and the driving was crazy, I guess more drivers=more crazy people allowed on the roads. But it's not surprising the urban cyclists take to the road at rush hour. I also found out that my stats were all mucked up because Charlie hadn't recorded properly and my speedo was also defective. But I didn't discover that till I got home. In the rain, and the wet.

Not a great ride, bit of a slog, but useful from a training pov-40 miles today, give or take, and at least I got a bit of practice of cycling in heavy traffic. Like that's going to help going up the Tourmalet in September!

Sunday 22 November 2009

The Appliance of Science

This one is all about learning and development. Ok, it's not really, it's about cycling but I'm trying to please everyone in an oblique way.

Today was an Axbridge cycling group day. I had planned to practice a commuting run to Bristol and back yesterday, but the weather was so bad that I'd have needed a canoe, so I compromised and stayed indoors in the dry. Which meant I had no excuses for not riding today.

I had the usual mental clothing faff about which coat to wear, and my good lady humoured me by asking some good questions but letting me decide anyway. I opted for the full heavy-duty waterproof, and I was glad I did, as the heavens opened as wide as a basking shark's mouth, and deposited half the Bristol channel on Winscombe Hill. Have I mentioned the wind? Obviously a great subject for schoolboy humour, so let's just say it would have been enough to keep Ellen McArthur happy. Or crying, or whatever she does in a gale.

Down in Axbridge we assembled, a two plus two combination. SS and me for the fast route and M and AG for the shorter, slower group. I was feeling rough today so was able to use my powers of persuasion to talk Steve out of a jaunt up and over the Mendips to Chew Valley lake, ("no, I'm not doing that") and M chipped in to help by saying that the intended cafe took over an hour to serve him when he last went there.

So we did what we always do when we don't have any other plans-we went to Sweets cafe. SS and I went via the Webbington, Loxton, Rooksbridge and Mark, while A and M cut through Wedmore. We passed them about 2 miles short of the cafe, and ordered the tea in time for their arrival. The wind seemed to have been in our faces the whole trip so far, and we'd had a few squally showers, so I was pleased that the sun was coming out, and we'd have the wind at our backs for the trip home.

Sweets seemed to be packed out with cyclists today, including an unlikely, and by the sound of it, newly-met, pairing of a chap from Clevedon and a lass from the Antipodes. There seemed to be some attempt to form a bond, but I think the he wasn't really getting anywhere. Mainly because he couldn't stop talking about himself.

SS and I headed out via Godney, Panborough, then cut back south of Mudgeley Hill. It was there that I learned my first lesson of the day. If you don't cycle for 2 weeks, get a bout of food poisoning and have a swine flu jab, you will find it harder to go up the hills as fast as you are used to. SS left me for dead, but kindly waited at the top, and we sped down through Wedmore, Clewer and Cheddar with the wind at our backs. It was there we parted. I think he could have gone on all day, but I was dead, thankful that I didn't have to go up Shipham Hill with him.

I also learned today that new brake blocks stop a bike much faster and more safely than worn ones, and new tyres grip wet roads better than ones with 1500 miles under their rims. Got home and the final lesson of the day, I really hate washing my bike. But then I knew that already.

Ironically of the four of us today, none of us live in Axbridge. Is this a first? It's a bit like football teams who all used to come from the town they played in. Who know in years to come, perhaps we will have Europeans and others in the ACG. Just remembered, we do, we have our very own Dutchman already in the group for sure (sorry A, couldn't resist). When will we get our first south American?

Here are Charlie's stats:

http://connect.garmin.com/player/19395990

Average speed quite good considering I felt rubbish practically the whole way round. I think I'll have to be a bit more scientific about this resting business. So some light spinning for the next couple of weeks before base training in December, intervals January, speed work February and the first sportive in March. Sounds far to organised, what's on TV this afternoon?

Monday 16 November 2009

"Just to play Devil's advocate....."

Be warned this one's not about cycling.

An update from the world of my new job, and what an amazing two weeks it has been. I have conducted five competency-based meetings, delivered three half-day Appraisal skills training courses, attended a very intensive one-day Development centre, and a one day wash-up meeting of all observers, written three participant reports from same, and been involved in a whole host of other stuff. And done the firm's induction.

It's just what I needed, a fresh challenge and a chance to use my L & D skills in a different environment.

My feet have not touched the ground and I have loved it. It is a really great time to join, with lots of change happening from the strategic level-all the way down, and this has and will place huge demands on the L & D function that I'm a part of.

Lots to do, lots to plan, lots to measure, so plenty of opportunity to test myself. The learning curve is huge, the industry is so different, as is the culture and of course getting to know lots of new people is always interesting.

To cap it all, today I used the Devil's advocate line, but fortunately, I got away with it.....

Saturday 7 November 2009

I really must get new tyres

I went out with the Axbridge Cycling Group today, a good turnout considering the very damp and coldish conditions, five of us in total.

For some reason that no-one really can explain we ended up heading up Cheddar gorge, just as the first deluge set in. Unfortunately, it was at this point that KG discovered only a few of his gears worked-the high ones too. One by one we struggled up to the top, and battled through more rain, lots of cack on the roads, and headed for the delightful Rocky Mountain cafe above Crosscombe.

KG had struggled and was on the point of going home so I gave him one of my energy gels, a gooey syrup packed full of calories; closely followed by a half pack of jelly babies to take the taste away.

It's a sign of the encroaching winter that this was the first time we sat in to eat our cakes, bacon sandwiches and inside the cafe, chatting away about wheels, Christmas and rides to come. I hate the Winter, especially the lack of light. I normally get a boost from doing lots of exercise, but I'm feeling a bit jaded at the moment, I think I have cycled more than ever before and I could do with a bit of time off the bike.

Still, I drew on the banter and the camaraderie, which was especially good today I thought. Still it was pretty chilly back outside the cafe, so I pedalled like crazy to warm up, down into Wells. Successfully avoiding the Saturday shoppers in cars, we wended our way back via Burcott, Fenney Castle and Mudgley Hill, to loud complaints from KG.

By the time we reached the edge of Wedmore JT and I had hit the front, and I had to work very hard to stay on her wheel as she bombed over the flat lands of Clewer and into Cheddar. Where the Cheddar half marathon was taking place, and I'm not sure all of the runners will have had a pleasant day, but fair play to them for having a go.

Back into Axbridge I hit the fullest power I could muster and dreamed I was Cav, before cycling home, washing the bike and me, and taking the former to the Cheddar bikestore for a service. I took me to Sainsbury's where who should I bump into but JT and family in the crisps aisle-looking for healthy options no doubt.

I didn't take Charlie today, he needs a rest too, but my total mileage was 43.79 miles, average 14.6 mph, max 38.4. Quite slow because the hills were just too slippy to go down fast. Which is where I started because by the time I see my bike again, it should have two of the grippiest tyres in the world on it, so Winter, here we come!

Sunday 1 November 2009

Sometimes it's just about getting round

Today SK and I rode, (or should that be tamed?), the Exmoor Beast.

We stayed in a nice B & B down in Minehead so were able to ride the 0.7 mile to the start line at Butlins. It was still dark, but it was also blowing a huge gale and raining cats and dogs, never mind beasts.

The organisers had a man up on the top of Exmoor, some 1500 feet above us, who reported that the weather up there was even worse, and quite frankly, not safe. So the start was delayed for an hour and they decided to cancel the 100 mile ride and get all 1200 of us to ride the 100 km route. 500 souls had entered and decided not to start, and as we headed out at around 8.15AM it was pretty clear why.

The rain was horizontal and the wind was probably 30-40 mph average, with gusts of 50+. Not nice. Then add in the gradients (steep) the leaves and other detritus that had fallen from the trees overnight, the cattle grids and 1200 riders on the road and it all made for a high old time. To cap it all I had not got round to replacing my worn tires, so as well as being literally blown about in the wind, I was also skidding about a bit. On one occasion I was pushed two feet into the road as I cycled past the opening to a field, the cross-wind that came out of it being the culprit.

Going down Countisbury Hill, with a 25% gradient, into Lynmouth (or is it Lynton?) there was a nice steep hill with drops into the Bristol channel, but I'm pleased to say that thanks to hypnosis I am no longer scared of heights. Just wind, water and leaf mulch.

We eventually got to the first feedstation at Simonsbath, after about 3 or so hours, it's only 30 odd miles, but now we had the wind at our backs so flew back to Minehead in 2 hrs 40.

If we had done the 100 miler in those conditions it would have taken about 8 or so hours, and there would have been hypothermics all over Exmoor. I'm glad they cut it down, I'm glad I did it, but ultimately it was a day to get round, get home, get in the bath.

Charlie's stats are in this link (note the ridiculously low average speeds):

http://connect.garmin.com/activity/17717091

Sunday 25 October 2009

Happy Birthday!

Washing bikes is all about timing. On Friday I had headed out for a spot of hill climbing in typical autumn weather-not too wet, not too dry. Inevitably, the bike had some muck on the frame, and when I arrived home I had that "shall I, shan't I" feeling. About washing the bike that is.

I decided against, which in the light of today proved a good decision. There is nothing I hate more than washing the same bike three times in a week!

Today I headed out with the Axbridge Cycling Group, for a run over to the Walled Garden Cafe in Wrington. It was also JT's official birthday. She's a bit like the queen in that she has a real birthday and an official one, the latter being the anniversary of the start of her cycling blog.

The ACG is becoming a bit like the People's Front of Judea, although unlike the ******** Judean People's front, relations between the various factions remain amicable. So whilst one group headed up the Strawberry Line to the wilds of the North Somerset moors, JT, KG and I headed up to Winscombe, Sandford and Langford to what is for me, a newly-discovered place to eat cake.

Just in time too, because the place was invaded by the Bristol CTC shortly after our arrival, and I believe another pack of 50 cyclists were expected. To paraphrase Fred Pontin (for younger readers-ask your Dad), get there early.

We were now faced with the headwind for our return, and because I was routemaster for the day I was also trying to avoid the busy roads. Clocks having gone back today must have fed some urge from all the motorists to drive round the lanes. So although the back lanes were quiet, they were also full of, how can I put this, livestock detritus? Which made the bike, us and especially Charlie, covered in the stuff.

JT bailed at Sandford because of a family comittment, so KG and I did a loop round the moors, then past the Webbington with the wind behind us back to Axbridge.

See Charlie's stats here:

http://connect.garmin.com/player/17085021

A round trip of 28 miles, plus the 2/3 at each end to get to Axbridge, average speed of 15.1mph. Oh and lots of cack on the bike, now safely washed and ironed, locked and into the shed.

A good day will now be ruined as I watch Arsenal stuff my beloved Irons. Oh well, mustn't let it get to me.

PS Surprise! Snatched a 2-2 draw after being 2-0 down at half-time, quite possibly a brilliant day.

Tuesday 20 October 2009

Why did I go Mountain Biking today?

The forecast was wet, so I thought, "haven't been on the old MTB recently, that might be fun"......

Ten things I have forgotten about Mountain bikes:

1. They are much heavier than carbon road bikes
2. They have fat tyres with knobbly bits that don't roll very fast, even on the smoothest tarmac
3. They are much heavier than aluminium road bikes
4. Disc brakes, heavy, but also prone to jam clamped on, which slows you down a lot
5. They are heavier than steel touring bikes
6. They have ridiculously low gears, which mean you can never go very fast downhill (or any other time)
7. You have to sit in this upright position which means you present the surface area the size of Wales into a headwind
8. The saddle is too wide....let's just say it's a man-problem
9. The handlebars are too wide to allow you to squeeze between the traffic
10. They are heavier than just about anything else on two wheels, four wheels, eight wheels, and that means a pathetically low average speed, climbing speed, maximum speed, and just about every other speed you can think of!

I should take advice when it's given, I was told......